Dude, what's up with the waffles?
by SuperrStalkerr
Summary: I'm a bit rubbish at these, but here goes.. Banner's waffles are a huge deal in the tower, but Clint just can't help getting involved. Chaos ensues. Just a tower life oneshot, rated T for a bit of language, a bit of drug references and the suggestion of sex. I wrote it at 3am, don't judge.


Waffles made everything better.

That's what Steve had decided anyway. Living in the tower was always interesting, and arguments did break out. Prank wars too. But the ritual of coming together to eat waffles always made the group whole again.

Which is why they had become an almost weekly thing amongst the superheroes. They would sit down and stuff their faces. Thor would of course always eat more than everyone else, though Clint did a pretty good job of keeping up with him. Tony, of course, loved sugar so the syrup never left his bit of table. They actually had to get him a personal jug of the stuff. Even Natasha turned into a kid when waffles were involved. Except for the time that Clint jokingly ate a bit if her waffle. Poor guy hadn't walked right for days. Banner loved making them, everyone loved eating them, it was the perfect set up. Plus because Thor was around, he always made more than was really needed.

Until Clint snuck into the kitchen while Banner went to the bathroom and put an entire bag of weed into the mixture. And the syrup.

It shouldn't really have come as a surprise; most of the pranks in the tower were his idea. But this time, he'd out-done himself.

The first bites everyone took, no one really noticed. Not even Bruce and he'd been making and eating the recipe for years.

By the end of the first waffle, Steve mentioned they tasted a bit different. Good different, Stark was eager to chip in. Banner accepted the praise with an easy grin.

By the end of the second, everyone was feeling pretty good.

No one really noticed anything though, not until Thor finished his fifth and giggled.

That set Clint off then, and once he started, he was impossible to stop. He ended up crying with laughter, and Natasha patted his back as he choked on a waffle.

"Duuuuude, what's going on here?" Steve frowned, his eyes unfocused.

"Dunno man, but I feel pretty awesome." Stark was looking at the back of his hand like it held the secret to eternal life.

"Guys, Clint's like choking on waffle here!" Natasha snorted. "I think he might die."

"I'M FIIIINE!" Clint choked out between giggles. "Look, swallowed it! Just like you, eh Nat?"

Natasha aimed a playful swipe at her boyfriend, a grin on her face. "Shhh, 'at is private."

Somehow, and no one really remembered how it happened, the team ended up in the communal room. And of course, they took the gargantuan plate of waffles with them.

An hour later and every waffle was gone.

Thor was devouring everything in the mini kitchen area of the communal room, surrounded by empty wrappers and boxes.

Tony was insisting he was the coolest and had his Iron Man helmet on. He was currently attempting a forward roll, but couldn't quite get over.

Steve was having an intense, deep and extremely meaningful conversation about the way the world had progressed since the 40s and how amazing it was. With the potted plant by the window.

Banner was staring intensely at the wall, like his brown gaze could burn a hole through it. His brow furrowed a little, but other than that he hadn't moved in 15 minutes.

And Clint and Natasha were still laughing like hyenas, curled up together on a beanbag - Clint had laughed non-stop since Thor's first giggle and Natasha had joined in not long after. In between their bouts of maniacal laughter they would passionately mash their mouths together, oblivious to the other people in the room. Then something would set them off again.

"OK, Fury's just called me... what the hell is going on in here?" Coulson cut himself off in the middle of his sentence.

"Oh hey there Phil!" Clint extracted himself with great difficulty from the tangle of limbs that was him and Natasha. "C'mere and give me a hug."

The master archer flew at Coulson, a dopey grin on his face and his arms wide.

"Barton what are ... oh OK, you're hugging me now." Coulson's arms remained pinned to his sides. The archer nuzzled the senior agent's neck, mumbling incoherently.

"What's that Barton?" Coulson frowned slightly.

"I _said_ that I think I might love you a little Phil. Would you be interested in joining Natasha _and I_ in the bedroom?"

"I'll have a think about that. No." Coulson tried to peel the clingy assassin off his new suit. "That better be your phone I'm feeling pressed against my leg Barton."

"Your loss..." The hawk sighed and dramatically turned away from the suited man. "Nat has this awesome trick she loves to pull out."

"Ehehehe." Natasha giggled as Clint lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his torso.

"Well now that image has branded itself onto my eyes forever more... Banner, are you OK?"

"Yeeeaah." The doctor smiled contentedly. "Just... chillin."

"Right. Thor?"

"HUNGRY. MORE FOOD WOULD BE AMAZING!" Came the roar from the blonde demi-god.

"Of course. Try the kitchen. Rogers?"

"I'm discussing serious matters, give me a moment." The soldier shot a scowl in the direction of the team's babysitter.

Coulson pinched the bridge of his noise. "I don't even want to ask what you're doing Stark."

"Rolling. You hating?"

"Never." Coulson rolled his eyes. How was he supposed to tell Fury that 'the Earth's mightiest heroes' were completely baked?

A cry of 'Oh GOD!' from down the corridor made Coulson want to weep. What was he supposed to do?

HE grabbed his cell and dialled Fury.

"Coulson, is there a problem with the team?" The director's voice barked down the phone.

"Yes sir. They're... they're high." Coulson winced, predicting Fury's response.

"THEY'RE WHAT?!"

"High Sir. I suspect Barton. Or maybe Stark." The SHIELD operative sighed. Seriously, looking after the Avengers was ageing him.

"How high we talking?"

"Thor is eating all the food in the tower, Banner is staring at a wall, Steve is holding a political debate with a hydrangea, Barton and Romanoff are... busy elsewhere and Stark is trying to lick his own big toe."

Silence from the super spy.

"Sir?"

"I'm here. Just processing."

Coulson watched as Banner slowly lay down. It was like a slo-mo video - it was rather impressive really.

"You can run from me Miss Romanoff, but you can never escape!"

Coulson turned at the abrupt shout in time to see a flash of red hair pass the doorway, followed swiftly by an extremely under dressed Barton.

"Sure we can't tempt you Philbo?" Barton smirked from the doorway.

"100%" Coulson deadpanned. "Please take your naked form away from me."

"I'm not naked, I have my quiver on!" Barton screwed his face up and ran off.

"Oh dear Lord." Coulson sank onto the couch.

"Agent?" Fury's tone was questioning.

"I'm OK sir, just saw more of Barton than I wished to."

A deep sigh. "Jesus. OK the mission can be given to other operatives, it was mainly intel. Just wanted the backup in case things got hairy. Make sure they don't try to fly off the roof, OK Coulson?"

"Got it sir." Coulson hung the phone up. "Uh JARVIS, I don't suppose you can lock all windows and doors for me, make sure we don't lose an Avenger by accident?"

"Already done sir. This is not the first time Mr Stark has indulged in herbal solutions." The AI answered smoothly. "And it will not be the last. I have also locked the lift from all floors except the actual business levels."

"Thank you JARVIS. I'm glad someone who lives here has sense." Coulson considered his options.

Then he started taking pictures.

.

"Huh, wha..?" Stark felt groggy. He never felt groggy. It was dark.

He sat upright.

THUMP

OK nearly upright. His head hit off something solid.

"Where the hell am I?" He mumbled, his tongue feeling like he'd licked the carpet.

"You are lying underneath a sofa in the communal area sir." JARVIS's voice was loud. Too loud.

Tony eased himself out from underneath the couch and finished sitting up.

"JARVIS, what's going on?" Tony blinked. "Why do I have a plant pot on my foot. And why is the living room such a mess?"

Seriously, the place looked like a bomb had hit it. Couches were overturned, there was dirt trod into the carpet, glasses were knocked over and there was a sinister wet patch nearby. And the middle of it all -

"Man of Iron, what was in those waffles?" A bleary-sounding rumbled came from behind Stark.

"Thor?" Stark slowly focused. "Big guy, why are you lying on a mountain of junk food?"

Thor frowned. "I do not know. I remember an intense hunger and not much else."

"Sir," JARVIS interrupted. "I can shed light on the situation. Mr Barton spiked your waffles with a bag of marijuana."

"That son of a ... Banner are you naked?" Stark frowned as he looked at the scientist, who seemed to be wearing nothing but a tie around his midriff by the window. Thank Christ they were 57 stories up.

"Uhhh... yeah. Yeah I am." Banner looked at the artfully placed accessory. "Clint spiked my waffles?"

"It would appear so." Tony noticed his Iron Man helmet sitting beside the bar. "How are we going to repay the favour?"

"I think you should let it slide." The man himself appeared at the door in a red silk robe. "I believe I have suffered enough."

"Yeah, he has." Natasha appeared, wearing a baggy t shirt. "He woke up with his head in the toilet."

"Not on. _In._" The male assassin groaned. "I'm going to have to scrub my face for a million years."

"Interesting outfit choice there Katniss." Tony seemed to be regaining his composure.

"Says you." Clint shot back.

For the first time, Tony looked at himself. He was wearing his purple silk boxers and nothing else. A huge red smiley face decorated his torso.

"Right, you're definitely more ridiculous."

Ignoring the mutters of 'You're wearing a frickin plant pot!' Tony counted. "We're missing Cap."

"WHY AM I DRESSED LIKE A MERMAID?!" A familiar shout came from the hall.

"Oh yeah, Steve's outside dressed like Ariel." Natasha gestured vaguely.

"Barton, I will cut your bow string while you sleep unless you start making this up to me." Stark scowled at the archer.

"I woke up face-down in a toilet, what else do you want?!"

"Good morning agents!" An annoyingly chipper voice made them all wince. Coulson grinned widely as he entered the room, a wobbly Steve leaning on him. "Found Ursula outside."

"I don't understand that reference." Steve and Thor both mumbled.

"Doesn't matter." Coulson shook it off as he deposited the blonde onto a couch. "What does is the fact you lot are suffering for getting wasted and blowing off a mission."

"Going by the taste in my mouth I blew something else off too." Natasha muttered darkly.

"High, not wasted." Tony corrected the usually stoic man.

"Nope, after I found you in various states of stoned, and as the weed wore off, you decided to throw a party. Here I shall quote you: '_A totally awesome Avenger partay.' _This was, of course, once you had stopped trying to do a 'roly-poly' on the floor."

Stark as speechless. For a second. "Lies. All lies."

"Yeah, are you making this shit up to punish us?" Clint tilted his head. "Surely my prank didn't get us that wasted..."

"I made a lot of waffles, and they're all gone..." Bruce looked thoughtful. "And now you mention it, I do remember shots."

Coulson looked almost gleeful. "I have both pictures and videos. JARVIS has very kindly uploaded them for you. JARVIS?"

"I'll put them up agent." JARVIS sounded smug. If an AI could sound smug.

Tony resolved to fix that smart-ass streak as the team settled back to watch their night unfold.

Various expressions of glee and groaning could be heard all the way through Coulson's slide show, and many heads were cradled in despair.

It, of course, began with the initial stoned activities, sans the nudity from Clintasha. Coulson decided he didn't need that in his life. But he did tell them about it.

There were shots of the Avengers dancing on tables, doing shots off tables, doing shots of each other. Videos captured by JARVIS of a drunken Truth or Dare, Never Have I Ever (which Clint and Natasha dominated in), 'deep' drunken conversations.

Pictures of Clintasha playing tonsil tennis.

Pictures of Steve (who Tony had managed through many weeks of chemical craziness to concoct a super-booze for) falling about, hugging a Nemo and watching the fish in the aquarium.

Banner doing a strip tease.

Thor passing out in the nest of wrappers.

Tony parading around like a peacock.

"OK let's stop there." Tony scowled. "We get the picture."

"Oh no, one more." Coulson's face was almost evil. "JARVIS, get the final picture."

Tony and everyone looked at the screen. What was on display was... for lack of a better word, horrific.

"No..." Clint's mouth was an O.

"Fricking..." Natasha's eyes were saucers.

"WAY!" Tony's face was priceless.

"Is that... I mean... a collection...?" Bruce could only stare.

"I am speechless. Jane will not be pleased." Thor looked... thunderous.

"That is, my dear team, a collection of _all_ the photos of you lot kissing each other last night during an_ enlightening _game of Spin the Bottle." Coulson's face was set to crack with his grin.

"JARVIS, remove that." Tony smirked.

"Done sir."

"So why's it still up?" Tony looked mildly perplexed.

"Oh it wasn't on my files sir. It is Agent Coulson's."

"And I am _not _removing it." Coulson rose. "I think you have a lot to talk about, so I'll leave you to it."

The team remained silent for approximately 10 seconds.

"Clint, was I super glued to you?"

"Banner, that's an interesting dance..."

"Me? What about you?!"

.

The waffles remained. But needless to say, Bruce made a habit of supervising it at all times, and inspecting the mixture very carefully.

Clint complained about having his face in a toilet for 3 months. After that, Natasha had a 'word' and he never mentioned it again.

Coulson, however, brought the incident up as much as possible. He kept the photo on him at all times.


End file.
